Dr. Johnson’s Picture Cow By Edgar Albert Guest

Dr. Johnson’s Picture Cow

Got a sliver in my hand
An’ it hurt t’ beat the band,
An’ got white around it, too;
Then the first thing that I knew
It was all swelled up, an’ Pa
Said: ‘There’s no use fussin’, Ma,
Jes’ put on his coat an’ hat;
Doctor Johnson must see that.’

I was scared an’ yelled, because
One time when the doctor was
At our house he made me smell
Something funny, an’ I fell
Fast asleep, an’ when I woke
Seemed like I was goin’ t’ choke;
An’ the folks who stood about
Said I’d had my tonsils out.

An’ my throat felt awful sore
An’ I couldn’t eat no more,
An’ it hurt me when I’d talk,
An’ they wouldn’t let me walk.
So when Pa said I must go
To the doctor’s, I said: ‘No,
I don’t want to go to-night,
‘Cause my hand will be all right.’

Pa said: ‘Take him, Ma,’ an’ so
I jes’ knew I had t’ go.
An’ the doctor looked an’ said:
‘It is very sore an’ red-
Much too sore to touch at all.
See that picture on the wall,
That one over yonder, Bud,
With the old cow in the mud?

‘Once I owned a cow like that,
Jes’ as brown an’ big an’ fat,
An’ one day I pulled her tail
An’ she kicked an’ knocked the pail
Full o’ milk clean over me.’
Then I looked up there t’ see
His old cow above the couch,
An’ right then I hollered ‘ouch.’

‘Bud,’ says he, ‘what’s wrong with you;
Did the old cow kick you, too?’
An’ he laughed, an’ Ma said: ‘Son,
Never mind, now, it’s all done.’
Pretty soon we came away
An’ my hand’s all well to-day.
But that’s first time that I knew
Picture cows could kick at you.

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