The Heavy Dragoon – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Heavy Dragoon If you want a receipt for that popular mystery, Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon, Take all the remarkable people…

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Solatium – William Schwenck Gilbert

Solatium Comes the broken flower – Comes the cheated maid – Though the tempest lower, Rain and cloud will fade! Take, O maid, these posies:…

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Hongree And Mahry – William Schwenck Gilbert

Hongree And Mahry The sun was setting in its wonted west, When HONGREE, Sub-Lieutenant of Chassoores, Met MAHRY DAUBIGNY, the Village Rose, Under the Wizard’s…

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Ah Me! – William Schwenck Gilbert

Ah Me! When maiden loves, she sits and sighs, She wanders to and fro; Unbidden tear-drops fill her eyes, And to all questions she replies,…

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The Susceptible Chancellor – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Susceptible Chancellor The law is the true embodiment Of everything that’s excellent. It has no kind of fault or flaw, And I, my lords,…

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The Policeman’s Lot – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Policeman’s Lot When a felon’s not engaged in his employment, Or maturing his felonious little plans, His capacity for innocent enjoyment Is just as…

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The Duke Of Plaza-Toro – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Duke Of Plaza-Toro In enterprise of martial kind, When there was any fighting, He led his regiment from behind (He found it less exciting)….

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Phrenology – William Schwenck Gilbert

Phrenology “COME, collar this bad man – Around the throat he knotted me Till I to choke began – In point of fact, garotted me!”…

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Ferdinando And Elvira – William Schwenck Gilbert

Ferdinando And Elvira PART I. At a pleasant evening party I had taken down to supper One whom I will call ELVIRA, and we talked…

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When I First Put This Uniform On – William Schwenck Gilbert

When I First Put This Uniform On When I first put this uniform on, I said, as I looked in the glass, “It’s one to…

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The Reverend Simon Magus – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Reverend Simon Magus A rich advowson, highly prized, For private sale was advertised; And many a parson made a bid; The REVEREND SIMON MAGUS…

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The Pantomime Super To His Mask – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Pantomime Super To His Mask Vast empty shell! Impertinent, preposterous abortion! With vacant stare, And ragged hair, And every feature out of all proportion!…

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The Baffled Grumbler – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Baffled Grumbler Whene’er I poke Sarcastic joke Replete with malice spiteful, The people vile Politely smile And vote me quite delightful! Now, when a…

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Little Oliver – William Schwenck Gilbert

Little Oliver EARL JOYCE he was a kind old party Whom nothing ever could put out, Though eighty-two, he still was hearty, Excepting as regarded…

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Braid The Raven Hair – William Schwenck Gilbert

Braid The Raven Hair Braid the raven hair, Weave the supple tress, Deck the maiden fair In her loveliness; Paint the pretty face, Dye the…

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Thespis- Act I – William Schwenck Gilbert

Thespis- Act I DRAMATIS PERSONAE GODS Jupiter, Aged Diety Apollo, Aged Diety Mars, Aged Diety Diana, Aged Diety Mercury THESPIANS Thespis Sillimon TimidonTipseion Preposteros Stupidas…

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The Great Oak Tree – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Great Oak Tree There grew a little flower ‘Neath a great oak tree: When the tempest ‘gan to lower Little heeded she: No need…

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Sir Macklin – William Schwenck Gilbert

Sir Macklin Of all the youths I ever saw None were so wicked, vain, or silly, So lost to shame and Sabbath law, As worldly…

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He Loves! – William Schwenck Gilbert

He Loves! He loves! If in the bygone years Thine eyes have ever shed Tears – bitter, unavailing tears, For one untimely dead – If…

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A Nightmare – William Schwenck Gilbert

A Nightmare When you’re lying awake with a dismal headache, and repose is taboo’d by anxiety, I conceive you may use any language you choose…

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The Suicide’s Grave – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Suicide’s Grave On a tree by a river a little tomtit Sang “Willow, titwillow, titwillow!” And I said to him, “Dicky-bird, why do you…

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The Played-Out Humorist – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Played-Out Humorist Quixotic is his enterprise, and hopeless his adventure is, Who seeks for jocularities that haven’t yet been said. The world has joked…

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The Fairy Queen’s Song – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Fairy Queen’s Song Oh, foolish fay, Think you because Man’s brave array My bosom thaws I’d disobey Our fairy laws? Because I fly In…

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Pasha Bailey Ben – William Schwenck Gilbert

Pasha Bailey Ben A proud Pasha was BAILEY BEN, His wives were three, his tails were ten; His form was dignified, but stout, Men called…

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Etiquette – William Schwenck Gilbert

Etiquette The BALLYSHANNON foundered off the coast of Cariboo, And down in fathoms many went the captain and the crew; Down went the owners –…

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When A Merry Maiden Marries – William Schwenck Gilbert

When A Merry Maiden Marries When a merry maiden marries, Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries; Every sound becomes a song, All is right and nothing’s…

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The Precocious Baby – A Very True Tale – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Precocious Baby – A Very True Tale An elderly person – a prophet by trade – With his quips and tips On withered old…

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The Merryman And His Maid – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Merryman And His Maid [HE] I have a song to sing, O! [SHE] Sing me your song, O! [HE] It is sung to the…

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The Bumboat Woman’s Story – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Bumboat Woman’s Story I’m old, my dears, and shrivelled with age, and work, and grief, My eyes are gone, and my teeth have been…

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Life Is Lovely All The Year – William Schwenck Gilbert

Life Is Lovely All The Year When the buds are blossoming, Smiling welcome to the spring, Lovers choose a wedding day – Life is love…

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Ben Allah Achmet, Or, The Fatal Tum – William Schwenck Gilbert

Ben Allah Achmet, Or, The Fatal Tum I once did know a Turkish man Whom I upon a two-pair-back met, His name it was EFFENDI…

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The Working Monarch – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Working Monarch Rising early in the morning, We proceed to light the fire, Then our Majesty adorning In its work-a-day attire, We embark without…

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The Humane Mikado – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Humane Mikado A more humane Mikado never Did in Japan exist; To nobody second, I’m certainly reckoned A true philanthropist. It is my very…

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Sir Guy The Crusader – William Schwenck Gilbert

Sir Guy The Crusader Sir GUY was a doughty crusader, A muscular knight, Ever ready to fight, A very determined invader, And DICKEY DE LION’S…

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Her Terms – William Schwenck Gilbert

Her Terms My wedded life Must every pleasure bring On scale extensive! If I’m your wife I must have everything That’s most expensive – A…

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A Recipe – William Schwenck Gilbert

A Recipe Take a pair of sparkling eyes, Hidden, ever and anon, In a merciful eclipse – Do not heed their mild surprise – Having…

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The Sorcerer- Act I – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Sorcerer- Act I DRAMATIS PERSONAE Sir Marmaduke Pointdextre, an Elderly Baronet Alexis, of the Grenadier Guards–His Son Dr. Daly, Vicar of Ploverleigh John Wellington…

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The Philosophic Pill – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Philosophic Pill I’ve wisdom from the East and from the West, That’s subject to no academic rule; You may find it in the jeering…

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The Family Fool – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Family Fool Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon, If you listen to popular rumour; From morning to night he’s so joyous and…

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Out Of Sorts – William Schwenck Gilbert

Out Of Sorts When you find you’re a broken-down critter, Who is all of a trimmle and twitter, With your palate unpleasantly bitter, As if…

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Eheu Fugaces — ! – William Schwenck Gilbert

Eheu Fugaces — ! The air is charged with amatory numbers – Soft madrigals, and dreamy lovers’ lays. Peace, peace, old heart! Why waken from…

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True Diffidence – William Schwenck Gilbert

True Diffidence My boy, you may take it from me, That of all the afflictions accurst With which a man’s saddled And hampered and addled,…

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The Reverend Micah Sowls – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Reverend Micah Sowls The REVEREND MICAH SOWLS, He shouts and yells and howls, He screams, he mouths, he bumps, He foams, he rants, he…

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The Love-Sick Boy – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Love-Sick Boy When first my old, old love I knew, My bosom welled with joy; My riches at her feet I threw; I was…

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The Captain And The Mermaids – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Captain And The Mermaids I SING a legend of the sea, So hard-a-port upon your lee! A ship on starboard tack! She’s bound upon…

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Life – William Schwenck Gilbert

Life First you’re born – and I’ll be bound you Find a dozen strangers round you. “Hallo,” cries the new-born baby, “Where’s my parents? which…

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At A Pantomime. By A Bilious One – William Schwenck Gilbert

At A Pantomime. By A Bilious One An Actor sits in doubtful gloom, His stock-in-trade unfurled, In a damp funereal dressing-room In the Theatre Royal,…

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The Yarn Of The Nancy Bell – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Yarn Of The Nancy Bell ‘Twas on the shores that round our coast From Deal to Ramsgate span, That I found alone on a…

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The Force Of Argument – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Force Of Argument Lord B. was a nobleman bold Who came of illustrious stocks, He was thirty or forty years old, And several feet…

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Said I To Myself, Said I – William Schwenck Gilbert

Said I To Myself, Said I When I went to the Bar as a very young man (Said I to myself – said I), I’ll…

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He And She – William Schwenck Gilbert

He And She [HE.] I know a youth who loves a little maid – (Hey, but his face is a sight for to see!) Silent…

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A Manager’s Perplexities – William Schwenck Gilbert

A Manager’s Perplexities Were I a king in very truth, And had a son – a guileless youth – In probable succession; To teach him…

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The Sorcerer’s Song – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Sorcerer’s Song Oh! my name is JOHN WELLINGTON WELLS – I’m a dealer in magic and spells, In blessings and curses, And ever-filled purses,…

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The Periwinkle Girl – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Periwinkle Girl I’ve often thought that headstrong youths Of decent education, Determine all-important truths, With strange precipitation. The ever-ready victims they, Of logical illusions,…

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The Duke And The Duchess – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Duke And The Duchess [THE DUKE.] Small titles and orders For Mayors and Recorders I get – and they’re highly delighted. M.P.s baronetted, Sham…

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Only Roses – William Schwenck Gilbert

Only Roses To a garden full of posies Cometh one to gather flowers; And he wanders through its bowers Toying with the wanton roses, Who,…

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Emily, John, James, And I – William Schwenck Gilbert

Emily, John, James, And I EMILY JANE was a nursery maid, JAMES was a bold Life Guard, JOHN was a constable, poorly paid (And I…

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To The Terrestrial Globe – William Schwenck Gilbert

To The Terrestrial Globe Roll on, thou ball, roll on! Through pathless realms of Space Roll on! What though I’m in a sorry case? What…

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The Martinet – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Martinet Some time ago, in simple verse I sang the story true Of CAPTAIN REECE, the MANTELPIECE, And all her happy crew. I showed…

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The Bishop And The Busman – William Schwenck Gilbert

The Bishop And The Busman It was a Bishop bold, And London was his see, He was short and stout and round about And zealous…

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